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Here are some articles and websites to help you think about these questions.

Positively Dating is a blog written by a 30-something gay man living in New York City.

Another person I know is Black but has self-identified as mixed-race on Grindr because he gets little attention when he identifies himself as Black.

And the attention he does receive for identifying as Black isn’t favorable – it’s frequently unsolicited and racialized.

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Straight, white, cis, able-bodied folks make endless movies, songs, and TV shows about the perils of finding someone who likes them, and they have every privilege going for them. So take comfort in the fact that you are completely justified in saying that this is no easy task.

Dear Multifaceted Marvel, Thank you for offering such a profound and important question that we certainly don’t talk enough about as a community.

You are definitely not alone in your pondering of how to navigate more than one queer identity.

Yes, he is very tall, yes he walks like a man — a real man — and yes he is every inch the ultimate masculine form and has no limp wrists or sassy “sista” mannerisms in sight, but he is not boyfriend material and you deserve so much better.

This relationship is bad for your self-esteem and has no real future, unless you're comfortable with being known as a dirty secret for the rest of your life.